All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
