Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
