Christians are straight up FREAKS
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
