dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
