i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Randomize
