that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
love makes seman taste better
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
