id be glad to
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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