I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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