I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
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