I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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