oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
