Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
