There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
