moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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