I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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