I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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