This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
