just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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