The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize