My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
