also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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