it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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