Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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