Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
