She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
