It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
