I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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