Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
