I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.