I can't breathe out the right side of my face
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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