Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.