There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
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I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
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This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs