Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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