I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
