Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
