She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
