he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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