and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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