I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
