sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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