proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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