I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
