now i know why i became what i already was.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
