there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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