tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
