there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
