im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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