When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
