HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
