I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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