White coat. Heels.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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