Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
