Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
