nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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