your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
