At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
