My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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