I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I AM VODKA MAN
we're so committed to being not committed
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
