He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
