i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
