guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
