god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
