pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
