Ambien. No doubt about it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
