As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
