I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
