Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
