I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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