Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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