have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
