I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
